TLDR: A PhD asks you to constantly check in on your progress, but checking in with yourself is just as important. Regular self-check-ins can help you notice signs of overwhelm early, understand what you need, and make realistic adjustments before stress snowballs. Try regulating your nervous system when you notice signs of stress, setting aside 5–10 minutes for a daily or weekly check-in, making time for genuine rest and recovery, and practicing self-compassion when you don’t have the capacity to meet your usual standards. The goal isn’t to avoid overwhelm or be productive all the time; it’s to listen to yourself, respond to what you need, and keep moving through your PhD without losing yourself in the process.
Check-ins
We check in a lot, don’t we? How far is this? Have you done those revisions? How is your writing going? But we seldom, if ever, check in on and with ourselves. This process can test us at the best of times, but are we being honest with ourselves throughout it? Did you notice when you first felt overwhelmed? Did you ask yourself why? Or did you simply chalk it up to being part of the journey?
Checking in with ourselves gives us the opportunity to do some recon, recognize what we need, and ultimately stop the snowball effect before it happens. A lot of the time, things don’t happen one by one. We almost feel hit by a multitude of things all at once…or at least that’s how it feels. Do you recognize your nervous system’s signals? Do you choose to ignore them, or do you simply not notice them when they first appear?
Being in touch with our emotional needs, or even just acknowledging them throughout the different stages of your PhD journey, can be a game changer in how you view yourself within the process.
So, what does a check-in look like?
1. Regulating Your Nervous System:
Ultimately, soothing yourself is often not a skill we carry into adulthood. When you feel your heart race, your skin getting hot, or you notice yourself fidgeting, this is your body saying, “Hey, we’re not safe.”
Oftentimes, rubbing small circles on your chest or gently stroking up and down your arms allows your brain and body to reconnect so you can figure out the next steps without the additional panic. Repeating truthful statements such as, “I am physically okay” and “Let’s work through this” adds a reassuring auditory element to self-soothing too.
When we’re in the habit of noticing these changes, we can catch them earlier each time, which often results in a quicker return to calm.
2. Weekly or Daily Check-ins
As I mentioned, it’s different for everyone. Some people might prefer to check in daily, while others may find a weekly check-in more helpful. Finding a quiet place for even just 5–10 minutes to run through things with yourself, without pressure or judgment, is an amazing way of keeping the flusters at bay.
Check-ins, even if they’re short, provide an opportunity to recognize what you need today and what you are realistically able to handle. Instead of taking a leap when you may not have the capacity at that moment, you set yourself up for success by working within your limits, while building the confidence to tackle something more challenging a little later or another day.
Some questions I find helpful are:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What was the original plan for my day? Can I make any adjustments based on how I’m feeling?
- How much can I realistically handle right now?
- What do I need today?
These questions are important because they allow you to assess where you are, reset your daily or weekly goals, and become a reliable advocate for yourself throughout your project. Of course, there will be days when we simply have to push through, but regular check-ins create awareness, encourage emotional regulation, and open up more compassionate communication with yourself.
3. Making Time for Nothing
This sounds, well… like a waste of time, doesn’t it? What could I possibly be thinking?
Well, I’ll let you in on the thought process.
Making time for nothing isn’t actually about doing nothing. It’s about recovering. It’s about giving your brain a break from demands, deadlines, constant thinking, and endless processing. We’ve almost entered a default “go mode,” and we rarely switch it off.
Making time for nothing could look like an unplugged walk, listening to your favorite song on repeat a few times, a guided meditation, or sitting outside with a coffee and no phone; anything that feels like it feeds your soul while allowing your brain to rest.
That rest is important because it gives your brain the opportunity to recover, making it far more sustainable to continue working over the long term.
4. Practice Giving Yourself Grace
What I’ve realized is that we’re often far more compassionate towards others than we are towards ourselves.
“What is wrong with me?” is a question I’m sure floats around effortlessly. But what about asking, “What do I need right now to do this?” instead?
Showing yourself grace can be such a transformative and effective way to quiet the voice that holds you to impossible standards or criticizes you for not doing enough.
To be clear, showing ourselves grace isn’t about lowering our standards or making excuses. It’s about recognizing that you, too, are human. There will be days when you’re exhausted, at capacity, and unable to meet the incredibly high standards you set for yourself. Grace allows you to respond to those moments with understanding and compassion rather than guilt and self-judgment.
Final Thoughts
Your PhD is one of the most demanding journeys you may ever undertake, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process. The goal isn’t to be productive every minute of every day or to never feel overwhelmed. The goal is to notice when you need something different, to respond before burnout takes over, and to treat yourself with the same care and compassion you would so willingly offer someone else.
Checking in with yourself is not another task to add to your to-do list. It’s a way of making sure you have what you need to keep going. Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is pause, listen, and ask yourself one simple question:
“How am I, really?”